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June 28, 2006


Got this from adibah noor fanclub group member; marina,
Those who are still single may learn something from here....Those who are already married may take it as a guideline to improve yourmarriage....
During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, "How do I know if I married the right person?"I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said,"It depends. Is that your husband?"In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?"Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind.Here's the answer.
EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and likedtheir idiosyncrasies.Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was acompletely natural and spontaneous experience.You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love... Because it's happening TO YOU.People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the imagery of that _expression. It implies that you were just standingthere; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TOYOU.Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience.But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades.
It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone callsbecome a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome(whenit happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute,drive you nuts.The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference betweenthe initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angrysubsequent stage.At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoriaofthe love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience withsomeone else. This is when marriages breakdown.
People blame theirspouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage forfulfillment.Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work,a hobby, afriendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it.I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. Youcould.And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation afew years later. Because (listen carefully to this):THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THERIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make"itday in and day out. That's why we have the _expression "the labor oflove."Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, ittakes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specificthings you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with yourmarriage.Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity),thereare also laws for relationships.
Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results can "make" love.Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... Not just a feeling.
Me: Well..true true very true..communication is the key..using language and body language... susah susah memang susah... we women always expect the man to read their mind.. and the man will say im not a mind reader...and then the ' conversation' will go on and on and on...Difficult but possible..sometimes ego is the problem. but what i'm not satisfied about this issue is always the women likes to discuss about thiis issue, I rarely see and listen any man would discuss about you? why aah..? not priority kot... {DEDICATED TO ALL MY CLOSE FRIEND AND X-CLOSE FRIEND ;)]


Blogger *lynne* (azlynne1972) said...

"When we're incomplete, we're always searching for somebody to complete us. When, after a few years or a few months of a relationship, we find that we're still unfulfilled, we blame our partners and take up with somebody more promising. This can go on and on--series polygamy--until we admit that while a partner can add sweet dimensions to our lives, we, each of us, are responsible for our own fulfillment. Nobody else can provide it for us, and to believe otherwise is to delude ourselves dangerously and to program for eventual failure every relationship we enter."
- Tom Robbins

Tue Jul 04, 05:10:00 pm GMT+8  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i cant agree more...

Fri Jul 21, 08:46:00 pm GMT+8  
Blogger neomesuff said...

above makes the world go yourself first... glad u never give up on love, paul ;)

Fri Jul 21, 09:16:00 pm GMT+8  

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