Self Analyzation

Spoke to a friend.

This friend made me think, of such act, choice of words and the way I convey things.

I then, think deeply, of what I have become now.

Ok.. so, I rolled my mind back to my teenage years. I’m known as a cool person ( I think ), and not so outspoken, maintain calmness ( although frustrated ) while keeping my principles, tried my very best not to hurt anyone, keep problems to myself, takes things as it comes. These are the traits I inherit from my father.

And during those years, my parents were in the apprehensive latitude. Quarreling over certain things that I think could be easily solved. And still, I maintain calm, though I am the only kid, I have no one to actually talk to. What I did was, I always stationed myself at some friends house nearby and they will knew exactly why I was there. But I did not elaborate nor discussed about it with my friends ( Friends are so precious to me now and forever ). Only once, I think, I point out their ( folks ) ‘behavior’ in front of me. The house is big, but was always dark and gloomy. So, when I felt they have ‘settled’ everything, then I go back home.

Then, when I started college, things got better. College years were the best, 5 years of *adventure* Learn to live without the parents, make my own decisions. Still maintaining my calmness, cheerfulness and outgoing’ness..

Until…one day… I learn about trust. I used to trust everyone. Due to some incidents, now I don’t…not 100%. It could be of anyone, anything and anywhere. When I start not to trust a person, I became agitated. Suddenly, I have anxieties attacking my soul. I scrutinized every single action.( these are the traits I see from my mom ( last time )– sorry momma didn’t mean to undermine you , I’m still your baby ;-P) I become dumb if I am not in control and let myself pulled down to the level I myself don’t know I am capable of ‘exploiting’.

So here I am, questioning every single issues, doubting every single matter, concerning me, out loud or otherwise, until i get satisfying answers. As a result of that, indirectly, I may hurt or debilitate or overseeing people’s rights..including mua.

So there… got this out of my chest

Can I change that? Or Should I change that? or Do I want to change that?

For the sake of what/who?When i am in the look and see mode, people takes things for granted, and that makes me lose my patience...

thanks..friend..r u willing to change too?..ops..sorry yre already happy ;-P

PEACE