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March 26, 2008

Self Analyzation

Spoke to a friend.

This friend made me think, of such act, choice of words and the way I convey things.

I then, think deeply, of what I have become now.

Ok.. so, I rolled my mind back to my teenage years. I’m known as a cool person ( I think ), and not so outspoken, maintain calmness ( although frustrated ) while keeping my principles, tried my very best not to hurt anyone, keep problems to myself, takes things as it comes. These are the traits I inherit from my father.

And during those years, my parents were in the apprehensive latitude. Quarreling over certain things that I think could be easily solved. And still, I maintain calm, though I am the only kid, I have no one to actually talk to. What I did was, I always stationed myself at some friends house nearby and they will knew exactly why I was there. But I did not elaborate nor discussed about it with my friends ( Friends are so precious to me now and forever ). Only once, I think, I point out their ( folks ) ‘behavior’ in front of me. The house is big, but was always dark and gloomy. So, when I felt they have ‘settled’ everything, then I go back home.

Then, when I started college, things got better. College years were the best, 5 years of *adventure* Learn to live without the parents, make my own decisions. Still maintaining my calmness, cheerfulness and outgoing’ness..

Until…one day… I learn about trust. I used to trust everyone. Due to some incidents, now I don’t…not 100%. It could be of anyone, anything and anywhere. When I start not to trust a person, I became agitated. Suddenly, I have anxieties attacking my soul. I scrutinized every single action.( these are the traits I see from my mom ( last time )– sorry momma didn’t mean to undermine you , I’m still your baby ;-P) I become dumb if I am not in control and let myself pulled down to the level I myself don’t know I am capable of ‘exploiting’.

So here I am, questioning every single issues, doubting every single matter, concerning me, out loud or otherwise, until i get satisfying answers. As a result of that, indirectly, I may hurt or debilitate or overseeing people’s rights..including mua.

So there… got this out of my chest

Can I change that? Or Should I change that? or Do I want to change that?

For the sake of what/who?When i am in the look and see mode, people takes things for granted, and that makes me lose my patience...

thanks..friend..r u willing to change too?..ops..sorry yre already happy ;-P



Blogger muadzlife said...

we need to do this self analyzation ..

and u'll get more unanswerd qs.

Wed Mar 26, 02:09:00 pm GMT+8  
Blogger Neeza Shahril said...

As a sudden, too many coincidences. Many similarities. A few other bloggers and yourself too ;). I'm a paranoid in short. I wanna change and hope I could. I still pray for it now and then...

Take care :)

Wed Mar 26, 03:40:00 pm GMT+8  
Blogger neomesuff said...

muadzlife: ya...u have more for me ? heheee..tunggu hang kol la hehe

neeza: hehe must b the weather.. unpredictable nowadays. Ya i do get paranoid..esp now with da kids..

i do believe things happen for a reason
u take care too dear ;-)

Wed Mar 26, 03:50:00 pm GMT+8  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

neo, me the other way round, i started questioning every single act and words since i started to talk and walk ;P, my parents always ( i mean ALWAYS) had a hard time explaining stuff - till i think its logical.......i keep my mounth shut.....

no need to change laaa, you are unique in your own way....


Wed Mar 26, 11:47:00 pm GMT+8  
Blogger neomesuff said...

no need to change!!! Yayyyyyy! Thanks darling mmmwah mmmwah


ok no buts..

people has to accept just the way i am..kannn..yah..that makes sense

Wed Mar 26, 11:52:00 pm GMT+8  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

well, theres always 2 sides of things rite, if you think what do or how you react to day, makes others suicidal or makes you uncomfortable - then change la, but if its just you, and it is not that major, why change? and besides, you CANT make everybody happy.

I believe, with age and time and experience, you will grow gracefully - mind, body and soul - kan? kan? kan?

we love you the way you are!;P

Thu Mar 27, 11:17:00 pm GMT+8  
Blogger neomesuff said...

theres too many side of things in my situation always lookin at every angle..makes things even more complicated. Right now m more concern for people to make me happy heheheeee..yet to though.

m still ( although quite grown ) a learning process of managing life..never ending. will change a lil bit here and there while keeping my wysiwyg thingy ;-)

love u too smurfet..*hugz*

Thu Mar 27, 11:26:00 pm GMT+8  
Blogger Moomykin said...

My late father once said to me,

"As you grow older, you will have less friends. All you need is a few good friends."

I guess that's what growing up and wising up is.

Tue Apr 15, 03:53:00 am GMT+8  
Blogger neomesuff said...

Thanks kin..appreciate you share your late father words of wisdom...

Tue Apr 15, 10:30:00 am GMT+8  

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